Macy, Jack, Elle and the "bully"....

Well, Bully might be a strong word but maybe not. You decide.

Bear with me - this is going to be a little long. It's regarding an incident that happened on Monday and another one on Tuesday and the outcome that occurred today. See, it can get a little long.

I just received this email from Macy's teacher. Macy told me about the incident yesterday - but we were at dinner celebrating Elle's birthday and something interrupted the discussion so we never got very far.

Two notes - 1. this is a little boy that we know and we know his parents. His older brother is Jack's friend and was taken out of school and is now home-schooled because he was behaving poorly in school. The younger brother is and has been Macy's friend. He "loves" Macy and she said he always tells her so - wants to marry her, etc. His dad even told Don recently as a local get together how C has stars in his eyes when he speaks about Macy.

And 2 - our school is an IB school. They give out IB attitude awards such as compassion, empathy, enthusiasm, etc. That's what they are talking about with the Tolerance award.

Here is the email from the teacher.....

I just wanted to let you know that Macy go an IB sticker for tolerance today! Yesterday, while we were sitting at the writing center, a boy lifted up her skirt. He apologized. Today, I noticed she and that same boy at the far end of the field talking, so I asked them what they were talking about and Macy told me that he said that her brother and sister were not smart. We went through the process of apologizing and also Macy told him that it hurt her feelings. I wanted to let you know because it seems like a recurring event and I do not want it to escalate. I will do my best to ensure that Macy is in the best hands here at school. Please let me know if you have any questions.

Ok - the kids just got home from school. I was told more of the story by Macy and by Jack. Macy told me that C was following her on the playground today and she asked him to stop. He asked why and she said because it's annoying. He told her "you're annoying, wait, your brother is annoying." Macy told him "no, he's not." and C said "yes, he is and he's not even smart." He went on and told her that when Elle grows up she will be an annoying adult and Macy replied "no, she will be a loving and caring mother." So sweet! She said he told her Jack will be annoying too and she said "no, he will be a loving and caring father and he is smart enough to be a scientist." Love how she stuck up for her brother and sister.

I just wrote another reply to the teacher and copied the principal and asst. principal, as well - since the other incident I mention in the letter happened outside of the teacher's classroom and involved Jack. Here is my email...

Hi All,
Macy just came home and explained this incident to me. As I told Mrs. D, Don and I aren’t overly concerned about this incident and know that young children do these things and they are usually innocent. Also, as a parent of a boy who sometimes did stuff like this – we know what it’s like to have someone jump to conclusions and blow things out of proportion.

Having said all of that, the reason I’m copying all of you in this email is because this extends outside of Mrs. D’s classroom. Jack told me that this morning he saw C and asked him why he pulled his sister’s skirt up. He said C didn’t answer him but just “stared at me real mean” and then started punching Jack and then kicked him in his “private parts.” Jack said he just stood there blocking his punches and telling him to stop. Jack said he then told Mrs. H (the school counselor) who talked to C and made him apologize to Jack and then they all went on their way to class.

I appreciate the apology and do not want to blow things out of proportion, but I am concerned that this is escalating. It seems the incident this morning didn’t stop because then C took it out on Macy today saying mean things to her about her brother and sister. He told her that her brother is “annoying and will grow up to be an annoying adult” among other things.

I know the W's (C's parents) and can speak with them directly, if necessary, however, I would like to know how this is being handled at school. These kids all ride the bus together and I don’t want things to get out of hand. I have spoken with my kids and expect them to behave in a responsible manner, but I also don’t want them to just be picked on and bullied, for lack of a better word. Elle said that the kid that sits with C on the bus kicked her today. I don’t know if it’s all related or not, but I would like to get this straightened out before it goes any further.

Please let me know how this is being handled at school. I look forward to hearing from you.

This is from today:

I just got a call from our AP. Let me start by saying that we have a new AP this year. Most of you know that I didn't really "care" for our previous AP and while she and I were friendly with each other - we kind of butted heads on some things. Remember when she accused Jack of lying and I proved that he was telling the truth and then made her apologize to him? Yeah - that started our rift and well, it really never went away.

So, imagine my surprise when school starts this year and I see she is no longer at our school. (She moved back to Chicago where she was from to be closer to family.) Anyway, we got a new AP who is a male and until today has only said two words to me. He seems friendly but very quiet.

After the incident yesterday, I emailed the Principal, the new AP and the teacher. I posted the email that I sent yesterday. Well, this morning the Principal emailed me first thing saying that the AP would be speaking with all children involved and appropriate action would be taken.

So I get a call a few minutes ago from the AP, Mr. W. He said he received my email and called Macy into his office this morning to tell her story. He said that she didn't tell him anything that she hadn't already told me. He said she didn't mention the pulling up the skirt part and he didn't want to press her on that issue in case it made her uncomfortable but he already knew about it from the teacher and me. She just told him about C calling her brother and sister names. She told him that he has always liked her and used to hug and kiss her in Kindergarten but he doesn't do that anymore.

Then he called in C and let him tell his side of the story. He confirmed everything Macy had already told him.

Then he called Jack in to tell his side of the story. The AP told me "I know you don't know me very well but I do know Jackson. When I first started, I asked for a list of every child who was sent to the Principal last year and while there were many, Jackson was on that list." Yes, I know. Jack knows the AP's office VERY WELL. But I loved this about him. He said that he wanted to get to know those children and keep in eye on them. He told me "I've met with Jackson and I've seen him in his classroom and in the lunchroom and I can tell you that he is one of the most well-mannered and respectful kids I've met." Seriously, I had tears in my eyes when he was speaking of Jack. He said he questioned Jack and asked him to tell his story. Jack told him how C was hitting and punching him and then kicked him in his "private parts". Mr. W asked Jack what he was doing while C was hitting him and Jack said just blocking the blows and telling him to stop. He said that C confirmed this, as well. Mr. W then said to me "Mila, the other boy (they can't ever use his name even though I already know who it is) is much smaller than Jackson and Jack could have ...." I think he was searching for the right words to say and I said "I know, Jack could have pounded him into the ground!" And Mr. W said - "YES - Jack could have pounded him into the ground had he wanted to." He said he told Jack over and over that he was SO PROUD of him and the self-control (SELF-CONTROL - that has always been Jack's BIGGEST issue! He's never been violent, so he wouldn't try to hurt someone, but he usually ACTS without thinking but he showed SELF-CONTROL!) Mr. W said he wanted to get on the loud speaker and announce to the school just how proud of Jack he is!! But he can't do that. He just kept telling Jack that he's so proud of him and that he was going to call his parents just to let them know. He went on to tell me what a "cool kid" Jack is.

I'm so proud of Jackson! I want to run down the streets shouting for him myself! I've been thinking about what to do for him - he's been saving his money for an iPod and he's got a lot saved, I think it's time to go buy that for him!

Mr. W said that he showed great restraint but great maturity in the way he handled C.

Oh and he said that while he can't talk about what discipline that C will receive, I can trust him that they will be meeting with his parents and that the age appropriate action will be taken. I said I'm completely fine with that and I don't want to make a federal case out of this, but I just want everyone to be treated fairly.

Can I just say that I LOVE LOVE LOVE our new AP. He seems really fair and like he genuinely cares for the students. I like that he is all about rewards as well as punishments. And he thinks outside of the box - our last AP was such a stickler for procedure that she seemed non-human, like a robot. It was highly frustrating but we dealt with it and we all showed her respect - but I can now happily say that she is GONE!!!

And it's times like these that make me SO SCARED of moving and leaving this school.

Cousins....

I've said it before and I'll say it again - once you have 3 kids, it doesn't matter if you have 4, 5....or 10. Ok, maybe 10 might matter. But really, it's not that much more work with 5 kids than it is with 3. This week our nephew Jacob and niece Sophie are visiting. We love having them. My kids LOVE their cousins and really miss living close to them. Jack and Jacob are always outside "exploring". They are on a "safari" (their words) as I type this. They packed a backpack with supplies, including Apples for a snack. So cute!

The girls are happily in their room playing Barbies and babies. I say Barbies AND babies, because it switches back and forth every 2 minutes. They played dress up this morning - Elle was Cinderella and Sophie was Belle. They even did their hair - Elle put Sophie's hair in a bun. So sweet!

And the best part - no one has fought, cried, been ugly - nothing! They've been great with each other. I love hearing them laugh from the other room. I know they are creating memories with each other and that makes me happy.

I even got to go out with my cousin last night and I had a great time. I left Don home alone with all 5 monkeys and even he said they were great.

I love our family and I'm so looking forward to living close to each other again.

Had "the talk" with my kids today.....

And all I can say is WHEW - glad it's over!!!

Actually, it wasn't that bad. Thanks to my friends who recommended the book "It's So Amazing."

Yesterday I was completely caught off guard when Elle came up to me and said "Momma, what EXACTLY is sex?" Macy immediately jumped up and said "I know! It's when a woman jumps on a man and she is naked and he is wearing underwear and they make out." Ok, I knew I had to straighten that out. I always thought I would be good at this. I would be prepared. I'm not a shy person. I don't have trouble talking about this kind of stuff. I am very open. But I just completely froze. I turned to Don who just looked at me and shrugged - (thanks for that, by the way!) I think I mumbled something like "it's something that married people do...." and then let my voice trail off and ended it by saying "let me get back with you."

Then I immediately went online to my parenting board which I've been a part of for 10+ years now. They all suggested the "It's So Amazing" book.

So I made a beeline to our library today and found the book. When we got home I called all three kids into the living room. I started by saying - "Elle asked me yesterday what sex was so I found this book at the library and thought you guys might find it interesting." All at once they went "ewwww, we don't want to know about that!"

So I just said - ok, well, if you have any questions, I'm happy to discuss it with you. Then they all gathered around me to look at the book. We started by just thumbing through it. They quickly started asking questions when they saw the pictures. They all giggled. a. lot. Which I expected. They couldn't believe the page where it shows the changing body of a male and female. They got to learn about their bodies though - sperm, testicles, fallopian tubes, eggs, uterus, everything. They learned about menstruation, and for that I'm glad. Now they know what it is at least. Man - I never had anyone tell me this stuff.

Then when I read that a man puts his P**** in a woman's V***** - they all three SCREAMED and then burst out laughing so hard that I thought they would never stop. So then it made me laugh - because really - they were SHOCKED that that happens.

But the book was really good and very helpful in talking to children. I loved how it talked about good touches and bad touches. It talked about masturbation, homosexuality, love, birth, adoption. It was so informative and I feel good knowing that my children are informed. I'm sure it won't be the last time we talk about this and I'm glad that they realize that they can ask me anything.

When we spoke of sexual intercourse - Elle was thoroughly grossed out. Jack said he was probably going to be "21 or 25..or maybe even 85" before he did that. Elle said she was going to wait until she was "100 and DEAD."

The book even showed how babies grow in the mommy's tummy and how the baby comes out - vaginally and c-section. It has illustrations but nothing too graphic.

It talked about sexual abuse and explained that if ANYONE touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, to tell an adult you trust. And if that adult doesn't believe you - tell another adult and keep telling until someone believes you and helps you. I liked that. I never thought to tell them to keep telling if someone doesn't believe them - I just always figured I'd be the person they told and I'd always believe them.

I can't think of anything that the book doesn't talk about. So, "It's So Amazing" truly is an AMAZING book.

Now - I'm glad that part is over. Oh - I also told them that they don't need to share this information with anyone and if they have more questions to just come to me. Hopefully we won't be getting any phone calls from parents of their friends about info my little angels decided to share. :)

My birthday...

So today I turned 36. I haven't hit that age where I don't like getting older yet. I love my 30's and as I approach my 40's, I'm not scared or sad. Maybe a little shocked, but not unhappy at all. And I love my birthday - or anyone of my loved ones birthdays. And my family all knows it - birthdays are big in our house. We all get as excited for someone else's birthday as we do our own and today the kids were very excited! Every where we went - they made sure everyone knew it was my birthday. All the teachers at school wished me a Happy Birthday - they had heard about it all from my three.

It was a wonderful day. I got a special birthday present today that I wasn't expecting and I just want to share it because I was so excited! This is going to sound silly - so bear with me. :)

Today Jack had a dr's appt for a refill on his meds for ADHD. This dang drug is SO expensive ($130 a month we pay - ugh!) and I hate getting these refills. But they are necessary and Jack does SO well when he's on his meds. Anyway - his pedi was writing the rx and we were talking about the cost of the meds and she says "let me see if I have any coupons for this med." I'm thinking cool - save a few bucks. She hands me one and says try this. I leave her office and head to the drugstore. I read the coupon - it's for a FREE 30 DAY SUPPLY of meds!!!!!!!!!!!! FREE! 30 DAYS!!!! That is $130 savings for me! I'm thinking there must be a catch but nope - I go to the drug store, drop off the rx and Don picked it up on his way home. He said they just gave it to him and said "no charge"! WOOHOO - happy birthday to me!!!! I never even thought to ask for coupons - who knew?? So that was a $130 gift just for me on my birthday and I loved it!!

Next we came home and Don and the kids made me a chocolate cake (my favorite!) - they were so proud! I cooked dinner (yummy chicken and spinach enchiladas - they were to die for!) and I had an equally yummy margarita with dinner! Or two. ;)

Then they sang Happy Birthday and we ate the delicious cake! A few years ago Don and the kids made me a cake and they forgot to add the water (a very necessary ingredient on a box cake!) and it was AWFUL! So that is the running joke in our house - and believe me - the kids made DOUBLE sure that they added the water this time. I don't think they will ever leave out an ingredient on a cake again. This year the cake was perfect!

Oh and Jack gave me the sweetest card that he made for me. He wrote something like "you are the best mother I've ever had. well, you are the only mother I've ever had. Well, except for my birth mother but you are still the best mom I've ever had." And he wrote it in different colors and gave Elle and Macy and even Don a line to read. It was so funny and sweet - I loved it!

And Macy gave me a 19 PAGE book that she made this weekend while I was out of town - seriously 19 pages! All very detailed. It starts out with these two families that each have a child - one couple has a boy and one couple has a girl. Then she says "they are going to get married when they grow up" Nice, an arranged marriage. Anyway, the story follows these two children who grow up and get married. Then on one page the mom is lying down on a table and she has a big belly - she's pregnant, Macy tells me. And the dad is standing by her (so is the dr, in scrubs no less) and the dad has this "look" on his face and Macy said he's asking her "are you ok" and then he's looking like he's terrified. It was hilarious! So the next page she has the baby - then they get a babysitter and go out on a date. Seriously, the detail was amazing. Then on one page is another woman handing them a baby - Macy said "that is a birth mother" - OMG, I couldn't believe this story. So I just tell her "oh good, they adopted their second child?" And she just goes on with the story. The birth mother is in the story from then on - they must have an open adoption - but she doesn't live with them, Macy informs me. Anyway, it just goes on and on from there. So sweet. There is even a funeral in her story (the grandma died) and the funeral service was beautiful. I wish I could scan the book and show y'all - I was seriously impressed. And she took it to school to show her teacher today (before I even saw it) and the teacher came to the car to tell me how amazed she was by this book. So cute.

I love that Macy knows all about adoption and birth mothers and how it's just second nature to her. Crazy what they pick up on.

And Elle made me a beautiful card too - she makes me something nearly daily. She is a beautiful artist and such a sweetie pie! I almost forgot about the picture she drew on the card - Sonya, you're going to love this! It was me and Aunt Sonya. Sonya was handing me a birthday cake and here is the best part - and the part that will for sure win me the Mother of the Year award - we were at a BAR! Yep, she drew us at a bar and we each had a beer on the bar while we stood there and Sonya handed me a cake. You gotta love it! (for those who are calling CPS right now, I went to Houston this weekend to go out with my sister for my birthday so that is why Elle drew that. In her mind, that is what we did this weekend. And she is right. Minus the cake.) :)

All in all - it was a perfect day!!

Oh and last but certainly not least - today is the 15 anniversary of the first time I met Don. He came to my surprise 21st birthday party with my dad. I didn't really pay any attention to him that night - after all, I was 21, it was my birthday and well, it was all about ME that night! But I'm so glad he was there and that we are where we are today. I wouldn't change a thing about the past 15 years - everything has brought us to where we are today and it's a wonderful place today. I love him more every day and love our life together. He will always be the best birthday present I ever received. Love you Don.

Happy New Year!!

Ok - so I sent this out via email but never posted it here. So, you've probably already read it but I like to keep everything on here too. So just skip this. :)

Merry Christmas!
By now most of you have probably realized that for the first time in my adult life, I did not send out Christmas cards this year. I did, however design a card – so I’m attaching it. It’s been a crazy year – and an even crazier December. I guess it will only get busier as the kids get older too. I hope to make this the only year that I don’t mail out cards, though.

A little update on the McClain’s.

Jack turned 9 this year – next year is DOUBLE DIGITS! WOW! And even more wow – he’s now halfway to 18! YIKES! He’s in third grade and doing great! While third grade is definitely the toughest one yet and homework has lost its appeal and is no longer considered “fun”, he still enjoys going to school and he does very well. It helps that he has an awesome teacher who thinks the world of him. Jackson also played tackle football for the first time this year. While we all enjoyed it – it was intense! Two hour practices, 3-4 times a week wore us down! But the games were awesome and our team did a great job. Jack decided that he likes soccer better than football though – and for that, I’m thankful. He continues to play baseball in the Spring. I think baseball and soccer are more his sports, but I love that he wants to try them all out. He has also taken up guitar and LOVES it! I think Santa may be bringing him a new guitar (wink, wink) and we’ll start up lessons after the new year. He hasn’t had any professional lessons but has already taught himself some notes and has even written a song or two – and I have to say they were pretty good! I’ve always said he has a big future ahead of him so we’ll see where this takes us.

Miss Elle is still our princess. She turned 7 this year and gets sweeter and sweeter every day (which is a blessing, for those of you who know her, she was quite the handful when she was younger!) She LOVES school and even gets upset with me on holidays because she wants to go to school. I guess she thinks that everyone is at school and I’m making her stay home.  Elle is in first grade and she, too, has a great teacher who got married this year and invited us to her wedding. Watching the ceremony through Elle’s eyes was magical. At one point during the ceremony, Elle turned to me and said “this is so, so….ROMANTIC!” She was enthralled and hung on to every moment – it was really sweet. Elle played soccer again this past fall and while she is very girly, she is also rough and tough on that soccer field. And she’s FAST too! I see track in her future. Elle is a girls girl – always surrounded by a group of girls and she and Macy are the best of friends. They love Barbie’s, babies, nail polish and lip gloss. I love listening to their conversations and have visions of the teen years. They say the funniest things.

And speaking of funny, we have Macy. Macy is Hilarious! She has an adult sense of humor packed into a 5 year old body and just cracks us up with the things that come out of her mouth. However she also has the attitude of an adult or at least a teenager. Macy also started BIG SCHOOL this fall! She is a Kindergartener now! Yes, all three of my children are finally at the same school! And while Macy loves school too – she also loves being at home. I see many “fake illnesses” in her academic future. She is my little buddy and I miss her being around during the day. Macy loves her teacher though and her teacher loves her. Her teacher said that she is “always on task and a student that teachers dream to have. She leads by example and girls look up to her.” That makes a mom’s heart beam! Here at home we call Macy Miss Thoughtful because she is always thinking of others. She will help anyone at anytime. And she loves animals. She loves Dixie and spoils that dog like Don and I used to do before we had kids. Macy is also my sleeper – she will curl up next to anyone of us if we lay down. She loves to snuggle! Macy played soccer again this year with Elle. They are both on the same team. Macy really looks up to her big sister and only wants to play on the field when Elle is playing. Don was their coach so that helped. I think this was probably his last year of coaching, so we’ll see how they do next year with another coach. They love having their daddy coach them though.

Don and I are doing well too. I won’t lie and say this was an easy year, it certainly wasn’t. The economy has really taken its toll on Don’s industry and we have seen many friends lose just about everything – and we lost a lot too. But like always – Don pushes through and finds new niches that usually seem to work out. Opportunities are everywhere, you just gotta keep your eyes open.

My business that I started earlier this year is going well. I enjoy getting to flex my creative muscles and designing cards for various occasions. I also keep busy helping Don with his business. Now that the kids are all in school full time – I get to work with Don again and it feels good. Of course, I’m still volunteering at their school as often as possible. I love being room mom and helping with class parties and such. I thought having them all at the same school would be easier on me but I think I’ve been busier this year than before! I love it though and feel very lucky to be able to be involved.

I hope this letter finds each of you healthy, happy and full of good cheer! We wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I feel that 2010 will be a great year and with that I say good riddance to 2009!

Much love and peace,
Mila, Don, Jack, Elle and Macy


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