Today is Macy's 8th birthday

8!!??!!?  How did that happen?  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was being whisked into the operating room for an emergency c-section?  I would give anything to be back there right now - holding her for the first time.  It's gone by so fast.  She is halfway to 16.  And mature enough to be 21.  She is funny, smart, beautiful, sweet, thoughtful, caring, silly...she's a great sister (most of the time) and the best daughter anyone could ask for. 

This has been a tough year - that goes without saying, but she give me such strength.  I'm constantly amazed at how mature and perceptive she is.  She can read me like a book - and that's not always a good thing.  But I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. 

It's been a hard day.  I didn't think it would be but it has.  Her birthday has always been such a happy day - all three of my kids birthdays have been that way.  But this is the first one where we're celebrating as a family of 4 now and it just hit me out of the blue while I was on the way to have lunch with her.  I've never had lunch with her alone on her birthday.  Then I started thinking about the day she was born, and her first birthday and second and so on.  I can remember each birthday like it was yesterday.  They were such happy days - no sadness at all.  And don't get me wrong, today is a happy day too - it's just different.  This is our new normal and we're all trying to figure it out.  And it's hard.  Way harder than I ever thought it'd be. 

But we're gonna be just fine.  I know that.  It's days like this that take us one step backwards, but we push ahead and tomorrow we'll have to move 2 steps forward to make up for today.  And we will.  One day at a time.

Happy Birthday Macy Lyn - you are my sunshine and I love you with all of my heart.  I'm proud to be your mommy.